I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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