if you like me you must not know who I am
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
