I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
