just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
