to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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