I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize