how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
