Apparently you make a good broom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
