You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
