We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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