We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
