i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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