you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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