I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
