called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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