There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
