can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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