Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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