tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize