sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
