If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
