I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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