No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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