Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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