WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
