I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
