we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
