Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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