That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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