I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
