I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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