Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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