Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Farmville is her only friend.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
