Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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