We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
