so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
