New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
