Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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