I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
