That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
