At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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