the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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