he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
