Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your penis caused this!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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