would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
