i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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