hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
