I just saw a hot homeless man
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
