My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
