lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
