I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
