Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
