You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I want to be your penis for a week.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
