Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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