somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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