are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's shark week go big or go home
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
