I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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