she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just threw up on my dentist
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
