Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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