Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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