Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
