I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
