I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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