My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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