i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
