Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
