forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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