I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
