I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
