I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
