I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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