oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
