Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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