Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
